How god damn hard I've tried, it's never enough and never will be. I really don't know what to do, what to say, what to think about. What about those days when I'll be exhausted, probably nothing?
Everything is so gray, what love story, there were butterflies, it left me, rain and sun. It will be snowing next winter too.
You will leave the most loved ones, threaten by hunting knife. Knowing no one. Not going to refund anything. As a martyr you died.
I know you were flippant idiot, who has more girls than I've ever seen. I know you were frustrated through all these years, lonely boy looking for innocent girl who has stars in her eyes. I know you we're waiting for me back (I really don't write fiction.) I know that I'll be indomitable, not now nor tomorrow, but someday. I know how often when I'm talking to you, you attract attention only to other girls. I know I've been prenaturally vain. I know I've hurt you, but have you ever thought about all these torturing circumtances you've made.
Crucial thing was when you left me. I'm not scared to declare my doubts of your suicidal mind. Your suicide would be startling. My mind is threacherous
I'm oblivious to my feelings, all my feelings are just so intangible. I hate having intimate friends. Im just so fucking tired of all this and exposed to all feeling storms. Im so disassociated from everything, everything feels so weird. What if I just wanted to leave?
I know darling, I know.
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